Writing: The Sun and the Moon — Pt. 1

***I have started writing a novella and this is part 1 of many. I am going to continue to post about it but I am proud of the progress so far. This story is important to me because it stems from a very real place for me related to my life and the people that were in my life at the time. It is a story of loss, hope, and self. I hope you enjoy the beginning of this story as it will continue and morph into the story I want it to be. If you have any suggestions, tips, or want to discuss the story please reach out!

The woman was as beautiful as a sun soaked porch in the morning. She managed to light up an entire room just by entering and there was no doubt that she was the reason. Her blonde hair hung like spun silk down her back, and her beauty did not end there. She had the figure of a goddess and the demeanor of a lamb. Everyone who had the fortune of meeting her loved her. It was so easy to love her and be loved by her. 

They sat in the sunroom, reading and basking in each other’s company. A gentle rain pittered across the roof and windows, a wonderful ambience of sound. She smiled gently and laid her head down in the lap of her partner. She closed her eyes and sighed deeply. She was lovely, her features highlighted by the shadows caused by the racing rain on the panes of glass above them. How easy it was to love her. She had a softness about her that made her even more alluring than that of the most attractive and mysterious woman in the world. To love her was to know peace.

The rain became torrential, its shards of ice water beating against the windows. She remained still and unafraid as her partner became more anxious.

”Aren’t you nervous?” They wondered. She only smiled and reached up to stroke their hair. 

“Some hot chocolate will calm you down,” she exclaimed.

“Don’t go,” they replied, grasping her arm as she got up from the couch.

“I will be back, don’t worry,” she laughed. She walked out of the sunroom and the outside world got darker. Her light was gone and all they could see was lightning strikes flashing in the windows. Their breathing became ragged, the harsh gulps of air burning their lungs. They put a hand to their chest and felt their erratic heartbeat thudding. What was happening? Why did she leave? They stood to go into the main house, but the room started spinning. Their vision began to tunnel, a clear picture becoming muddled in the panic. Everything became dark, the world becoming quiet. 

A period of time had passed when they awoke. The sky was still dark, the rain pitter-pattering on the glass encasing the room. There were sharp pains radiating through their body as they slowly rose from the ground. Looking around they noticed that all the plants, the ones she so carefully tended to, were wilting. They went to touch one of the leaves of the elephant plant and it broke off and fluttered to the ground. 

“Darling?” They called down the dark hallway. There was no answer. They walked out of the room to the kitchen, but the house was dark and quiet, eerily quiet. They looked out the window to the driveway. The cherry red convertible was missing. Her car was missing! Their car, a dark gray impala, stood silently in the dark. The only illumination was the garage light shining on the empty cement where she should have been. 

They walked back to the sunroom, sans sunlight. They sat down on the floor and wept. She was gone and they couldn’t handle a world without her. Why hadn’t she said anything? Was her things, her precious possessions, still here? They rushed to the bedroom and saw nothing. It was perfectly untouched. They ran into the closet and threw the closet’s contents everywhere, searching for something that wasn’t there. There had to be a clue, a reason. They cried out in frustration, rushed to the bed with a duffle bag, and looked at it hanging open in front of them. Tears fell freely as the rain kept its pace, beating against the house with a particular force similar to an African drum.

”She’ll be back,” they whispered. It didn't feel true. Before they realized what they were doing, they had packed the bag and set it by the door. They put on her oversized yellow raincoat and red boots. Grabbing a sticky note off the counter, they wrote down their favorite places to go together. They would find her, and make sure she was safe. They were unaware of the time and how much had passed since they had seen her but they knew one thing: they had to do this.

The rain beat against their body as they got into the car. The heat was cranked but nothing made them warm. Their tears mixed with the raindrops falling across their face from the hood. Where would she go? Why did she go? Deep cleansing breaths they thought 1…2…3… They pulled out of the driveway and headed toward the first spot on the list, the most likely place.

  ————- • —————

The sign was hanging from the awning, and passersby walked quickly across the sidewalk. The specials sign propped against the wall had names of various drinks ranging from tea to coffee to smoothies. They walked in, the doorbell jingling happily to signal their arrival. The place was empty, probably due to the weather. 

“Welcome to SunBean, what would you like?” The barista behind the counter asked and smiled brightly. 

“Hi,” they said as they walked up, “have you seen a woman here? She has blonde hair, about 5’1”, blue eyes…”

The girl thought for a moment. “No, I don’t think so. We haven’t had a lot of traffic for the past little while, sorry.”

They hung their head a little and took a deep breath…1…2…3… “Okay, thank you.” They turned to leave and a barista spoke up quickly, “What can I make you? On the house. Everyone needs a pick-me-up on their journey.” She smiled again. Her teeth were a bright white and her lip gloss glinted in the moody lighting. 

“Um, I’m not sure…” they needed to find her, but they also needed something to keep them going. “Can I have a dirty chai?” it was her favorite drink, maybe it would spark something. 

“Absolutely! Coming right up.” She busied herself with the espresso machine and pulled out ingredients, a practice she seemed familiar with.

They fell onto a couch at the back of the small shop. Their whole body vibrated with anxiety, a shaking leg here and a chewed nail there. The hum within their body kept them awake as the bags under their eyes grew more pronounced. She was gone, they thought. She wasn’t here. Her favorite spot on main and she wasn’t here. Holding the small yellow sticky note in their pocket somehow kept them grounded when everything felt so out of control. They pulled it out of their pocket and stared at the sic destinations written in panicked scribbles. The red ink was smeared across the paper from writing left handed. They looked at the side of their dominant hand, where a red stain decorated the skin. They licked their thumb and rubbed the spit, but it just spread further and got darker. They rubbed harder, the friction of skin on skin burning. It wouldn’t come off. They suddenly felt itchy and dirty and gross. They got up and rushed to the restroom, bumping into walls on the way. Erratic breaths squeezed out of their chest in painful spurts. They slid down the wall and put their head between their knees. Oh god, what was happening? Shaky hands connected to limp arms connected to a tight torso…the panic didn't end. They reached. Hand up to push their hair back and their hands came away wet with tears. When had they started crying? They stood on unsteady legs and gripped the sides of the porcelain sink. Stop. Stop. Stop! The voice in their head screamed. They hit the counter and took a deep breath…1…2…3… and turned on the faucet. They calmly ran their hands under the cold water and scrubbed the ink down the rain. Another deep breath…1…2…3…and they pushed their hair away from their face and swiped away a stray tear. Their breathing was shaky but not out of control. They patted their hair down and walked out of the bathroom.

The drink they had ordered was sitting on the coffee table. The cup was brown with a bright yellow sun emblem and the lid said “A Cup of Sunshine” on the top in cursive. It felt a little less dreary alone in that shop, just for a moment. They took a sip and their body filled with warmth. The sweet spice with a heavy undertone of espresso accosted their senses. They felt a shiver across their body and almost smiled at the sensation. She would have loved this. She did love this. If she wasn’t here she had to be at the next place on the list. Finding her felt a little less impossible at the moment. 

“Thank you,” they said to the barista as she wiped the counters down.

”Perfect time to leave, the rain has slowed way down.” And it had. It was barely drizzling now compared to the hurricane that seemed to be happening when they entered. They waved goodbye and headed outside to the car.

The drive was long and tedious, the only thing keeping them going was the onslaught of thoughts running rampant through their brain, and almost all of them were about her. Even before she left they were always thinking about her. The lingering scent of her travelled to their nostrils by pure imagination; the smell of Ocean Breeze, roses, and unscented lotion. People claim it's unscented but it still has a distinct scent that is unmistakable when worn by her. It's like her skin exudes the scent of love and safety. It was an amazing feat. Her entire being exuded love and safety: the way she did her hair, the clothes she wore, even the things she cherished had a comforting gravitational pull. They loved her unconditionally. She wore her hair up in clips save for a few fly aways that hung around her face, and she wore simple clothes that never distracted from her beauty. She could have worn nothing but a sack and they would have paraded her around town as their most prized possession. 

They had been sitting in the parked car for an indeterminate amount of time. They swiped at their face where a single tear had fallen and closed the door with a finality that showed how done they were with feeling this way. The sadness washed over them when they woke up and weighed them down as they slept. It was never ending and it had become darker without her. They were drawing and had been left alone with no lifeguard or boat in sight.